Tea Girlie: August 2023
Back from my (unannounced) break with thoughts on tea, dinner ideas, and honey on pizza
I am often mistaken for a person who is really into tea. I’ve accepted that I’m giving off a Vibe™ and that vibe is Girl Who Drinks Tea. People ask me about tea, they offer me tea at their homes, they get me teas as gifts, they tell me about places to buy tea, and they introduce me to other tea drinkers.
Look, I get it. Girls who look like me—short girls who wear glasses, and have brown hair, and read romantic fantasy novels, and wear Tevas and L.L. Bean sweaters and Patagonia baggies—we give off a tea-drinking vibe. I get it. Get me some crystals and micro-bangs and I am two steps away from buying one of those “we’re the witches you couldn’t burn” t-shirts.
Tea and I have no beef, by the way. I quite like the occasional cup of tea. It’s a beverage with a rich history and lots of variety—I just don’t particularly care about any of it. I am not against tea, I am simply indifferent.
Yet, for some reason, I get a little insulted whenever I get mistaken for a tea drinker. Because I’m reminded that I’m not really giving off the vibe that I think I am. I want to be taken seriously for the wired-up black coffee snob that I am and it’s not landing. You want to think the vibe you give off is based, in some part, on who you actually are as a person but it almost never is. I drink probably one cup of tea for every fifteen cups of coffee I drink and yet my vibe is firmly tea girl.
Look, I’ll take Tea Girl. I could be mistaken for someone who is into Prime Energy drinks. I’ll take tea.
Yes, I know, I took a month off and didn’t say anything about it. I did that after releasing what has been my most positively received and widely read piece (thank you, by the way). Anyway, I’m back and working on a big project. You can see some updates about it on my Instagram.
This Month’s Dinner Ideas
A new section and giving The People What They Want. Some things I cooked this month to hopefully inspire you culinarily.
Lamb Kebab Wraps
What’s better than juicy lamb in a warm flatbread with lots of salad and sauces? Almost nothing. I got a flat-cut lamb shoulder and marinated it in a paste made of garlic, caramelized onions, ras el hanout, olive oil, dried cherries, a little bit of chili, and orange juice. Roasted it at 300 degrees for a few hours and sliced it thin. I put it in a homemade lavash wrap (this recipe from Serious Eats) with some tomatoes, pickled red onions, lettuce, sriracha, and this knock-off Halal Guys white sauce. I recommend wrapping it in aluminum foil for the proper kebab experience.
Gochujang and Caramelized Shallot Pasta
A variant of these two recipes (gochujang buttered noodles and caramelized shallot pasta) from the New York Times, this is something I make probably once every fortnight and could do it with my eyes closed. It’s a total pantry dinner: gochujang, and tomato paste emulsified with butter tossed through noodles and caramelized shallots. I topped mine with some mushrooms and some cold fresh mozzarella. A nice crisp salad with arugula wouldn’t have gone amiss on the side. Caramelizing sounds like a tall order on a weeknight but a pinch of baking soda on the onions speeds up the process so you can get most of the way there in about a half hour.
Chicken and Rice Plate
Chicken and rice is the meal of the gym bro and I’ve been getting into weight training so that makes me a gym bro. I had a lot of leftover white sauce from those wraps so I reverse-engineered the plate at Halal Guys. I marinated chicken thighs in spices and kefir (think the perfect combo of a yogurt marinade and a buttermilk marinade) and seared it in the cast iron. I served it with some saffron and turmeric rice and every vegetable I could find in my fridge. And, obviously, tons of white sauce.
In Defense of: Honey on Pizza (and other food crimes)
I’m writing this section from an Airbnb in Golden, Colorado. I’m here with a friend, it’s our first night in town and we just got back from dinner. Dinner was at an all-you-can-eat pizza and salad bar around the corner. Now, my tummy was struggling with the altitude but it wasn’t the only food struggle I would be confronted with. On the table with the other usual condiments (parmesan, red pepper flakes) was a bottle of local honey. I asked the waitress about it and she told me that this is a thing that people do in Colorado, they get a crisp Coors Banquet and they put honey on their pizza. And no, we’re not discussing hot girl hot honey. Just regular honey.
Now, I’m a pineapple-on-pizza girl so feel free to disregard my opinion as one of someone who already lacks culture, taste, and respect for the people of Italy. But, I think honey on pizza totally works. It works in the way I find lots of strange food combinations work because it’s just a very classic flavor pairing dressed up in kind of a weird way. It’s sweet and salty. Sweet and salty is a classic combination that everybody loves. But you phrase it as pizza and honey and people lose their minds.
Do I think I am converted to honey on pizza? Will I be doing it again? Probably not, it’s definitely not bad it’s also not really for me. However, I am here, first and foremost, to defend the people of Colorado and to give them a pass on behalf of all of the Italian-American community. If you are Italian-American and disagree with me, you can’t because I’m in charge now. Tony Soprano said so.